Homesickness: "By Any Means Necessary"

May 17

“Keep them at camp, by any means necessary.”

Although I wouldn’t say these words were ever explicitly said when I was a frontline staff member during our annual “homesickness” training… I remember very distinctly this being the message. We went over some basic homesickness psychology — that I would say was more opinion than science — but overall the skills we learned were more geared towards persuading campers they needed to stay at camp than empathizing with them and allowing them to be in control of the decision to stay or to bow out.

I don’t think this was an uncommon approach when I started in summer camping in the early 2000s, and although I think we talk more now about consent-based programs, I would hedge a bet that a little bit of tough love and little bit more persuasion are still at the core of most homesickness trainings.

To be clear — I don’t think either of those are bad strategies. Giving a little bit of loving resistance is necessary so campers are not making irreversible, impulsive decisions to leave because of one frustrating loss at the gaga pit. In fact, I believe that a great deal of growth can happen in the space where we lovingly help campers push their boundaries. But this strategy — and all homesickness strategies — should center the individual needs of the camper and the overall camp community, first and foremost. They shouldn’t be based in fear of parental/caregiver upset if an assessment is made that the camper’s continued participation would cause more harm than benefit.

Additionally, we must take all community resources into consideration to ensure that we can support the homesick camper(s) and the staff who are supporting them. We should really stop to think about the impact on their community as a whole (i.e. the immediate cabin/camp unit). The “by any means necessary” approach to homesickness can leave staff overwhelmed, and burnt out, which can change the experience of the entire cabin group as the community works to cope with the big emotions of campers who are feeling severe anxiety over being separated from their caregivers or family unit.

As I was thinking about this, I began to think about my understanding of trauma-informed care and how that could be the framework with which we help our frontline staff approach homesick campers. The Institute on Trauma Informed Care laid out five key components to trauma informed care, and to really think through this framework in action, I have laid out a few ideas of how each component could be constructed to help support those experiencing anxiety due to being separated from their home environment.

1. Safety — ensuring physical and emotional safety

Obviously, a good deal of focus is put on creating a physically safe environment for all campers and staff in our care. However, when working with a camper who is experiencing homesickness, we want to also try to get from their perspective if there are parts of the camp experience that are feeling unsafe. Through this conversation, we assess whether we have any blind spots that are leading to heightened anxiety of their time away from home, and in our care. Give space so campers can share what they are feeling, and ask open questions. Allow them to take the lead in the conversation.

Emotional safety is just as important as physical safety, and just like you would not keep a camper at camp who broke their leg or who was too ill to enjoy camp, we should not attempt to keep campers at camp who are feeling emotionally unsafe in a way that we can not solve, or at least ameliorate so they can experience the joy of camp at least some of the time. Each camp should be working to decide what behaviors constitute a case of homesickness that goes beyond the scope and practice of frontline staff and needs to be referred up the chain.

2. Choice — individual has choice and control

The participation in camp, and in any other youth development activity should be consensual. Period. We also know that there is a large spectrum of developmental needs at camp as we serve a wide range of ages, abilities, etc. But fundamentally, every camper should have the ultimate decision-making power to decide whether their body stays at camp. This does not mean we don’t start conversations with other strategies — including loving reassurance and persuasion, as mentioned above. But ultimately if all other strategies are exhausted and the camper is still not engaging with other cabin mates, enjoying activities, needs excessive 1:1 attention due to feeling blue, continually states that they don’t want to be there, or displays behaviors that are harmful to themselves or the group, then we must honor their choice to end their time at camp early.

3. Collaboration — making decisions with the individual and sharing power

I think collaboration may actually be the best strategy to create a camp environment where campers — even those experiencing mild or moderate homesickness — can thrive and enjoy their time. When a camper expresses that they are feeling homesickness, or any other big emotions involving camp anxiety, we should challenge ourselves to individualize the camp experience for them in a way that prioritizes their uniqueness. We can collaborate with them to see if there are camp experiences that may motivate them to sit with the discomfort of being away from home WHILE still remaining engaged and excited about the possibilities of camp life.

Questions like — “Are there activities that we could do tomorrow that would help you enjoy yourself here?,” “Is there a food that we can ensure that you have tomorrow?,” “Can we help you by making sure you are in a group with a friend that makes you feel safe?,” “When you feel overwhelmed, what does support look like?”

Allison Note: This works! I once asked a camper with pretty severe homesickness whose caregivers said they wouldn’t pick him up what he wanted to do at camp. He said read. We picked a bench for him to read on that had constant supervision. It was great — until it rained. We then moved him into the office, and he slowly started sweeping, making copies, and even answering the phone. At the end of the week, we gave him a staff shirt. He returned for years as our “Office Manager in Training.”

4. Trustworthiness — clarity, consistency and interpersonal boundaries

It is imperative that campers trust that their counselor team, and the staff that support them have their best interest in mind while helping them cope with the anxiety of being away from home. This is a tall order… as we are asking young staff to do this, while also making sure the cabins are clean, campers get to meals on time, everyone has a change of socks for after creeking (both socks in the pair…. IMPOSSIBLE!), and everyone stays adequately hydrated. Helping campers overcome “away from home” anxiety can take a lot of time and energy, and if we approach it in a situation where we don’t have the resources to support the camper in full, we may be putting them in a more harmful than helpful situation. Campers will need to trust that we will have the capacity to listen to their concerns and address them so that they can re-establish a sense of safety and belonging that keeps them integrated in their camp community group. Part of this trust also has to be not silencing any options for addressing their homesickness, as we want the camper to trust that they are an integral part of the decision-making process about their further participation.

5. Empowerment —Prioritizing empowerment and skill-building

If done right, walking with a camper through their away from home anxieties can be a formative event. But, to reiterate, we aren’t any more or less successful as a camp, or staff team, if a camper decides that their time should end before the finale of the session. In fact, I believe that skills can be built whether they are able to stay through the final night of the session, or if they are empowered to make the decision to end their time early. Resiliency can certainly be gained as we allow campers to come into contact with the discomfort that being away from home can cause, even if they do feel some measure of deep anxiety. The feelings of accomplishment that can only come from truly overcoming something difficult can teach campers that they should not only be proud in that moment, but that they can and will survive future difficult situations. BUT allowing a camper to truly name for themselves what safety feels like can also empower them to say in a future situation: “This feels unsafe, and I don’t have to be here.” This part of the process allows campers to start to trust their own understanding of their boundaries, how they define them, and how to make positive choices based on their intuitions. If we take a “You will be fine!” or “Toughen up” approach, you may be unintentionally telling campers that they should be ignoring or second-guessing their ability to name what safety looks like for them.

Summing It Up

Homesickness always has and always will be a part of camp. Allowing campers and staff to partner to decide what will be the best approach (including discontinuing camp) to support the camper will also always be messy. We never know what someone else is feeling in their body (and whether they are feeling routine discomfort or if they are truly unsafe in a way that doesn’t allow them access to enjoyable participation in camp activities). When questions arise about whether someone needs a gentle push to stay, or a trusting adult to help them pack their bags and tell them they did their best, my best advice is to allow for open conversation that centers on the camper and their understanding of their own needs.