At camp: clear is kind

Feb 27th, 2025

Just going to get this one out of the way quick:

Stop asking questions when you already know the answer.

I repeat:

Stop asking questions when you already know the answer.

I learned this in the first five minutes while working at autism camp and it’s stuck with me ever since.

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I think you know the kind of question I’m talking about.

Stuff like:

“Who’s ready for waterfront?”

“Don’t you think it’s time to clean the cabin?”

“Wouldn’t it be fun if we all went to arts and crafts?”

Sound familiar?

We’ve all done it. We think we’re being nice, inclusive, and seemingly giving kids choices. But the reality is we’re actually just making everything harder, and kids can’t 100% tell the difference.

Clear is Kind (Yeah, I’m About to Quote Brené Brown)

Look, I know everyone and their camp director is quoting Brené Brown these days. But she’s onto something with “clear is kind.”

Especially at camp.

Because when you ask a cabin of kids if they “Want to go to waterfront?” and one brave soul takes you literally and says “No”… well, now you’ve got a problem.

You weren’t really asking. It’s definitely waterfront time. That’s just what’s happening next on the schedule except you framed it kinda like a choice.

At autism camp, kids don’t have any problem being open and honest about what they want to do, and more importantly, what they don’t want to do.

So when you phrase a rhetorical activity question as a means to get folks moving from one spot to another, all of a sudden you get called out.

And now it’s a tricky spot.

The Permission to Be Direct

And here I’ll let everyone off the hook a bit: Being direct doesn’t make you mean. Being clear doesn’t make you less fun. In fact, it does the opposite.

Instead of “Who wants to brush their teeth?” try “It’s teeth brushing time! Meet at the bathroom in two minutes.”

Same outcome, but now you’re not pretending there’s a choice when there isn’t one.

Think about if you’ve seen a version of this play out:

A well-meaning counselor asks “Who wants to go swimming?” and suddenly they’re negotiating with a cabin of kids who’ve decided to exercise their apparent right to say no.

Now you’re stuck either backing down (which hurts your authority) or pushing forward (which makes you seem manipulative).

Neither builds trust.

When Choices Matter (For Real)

It starts with getting clear about what’s a choice and what isn’t:

“Would you like to lead the song or play the guitar?”

“Which activity would you like to try first?”

“Do you want to sit with your friend Sarah or make some new friends today?”

“Teeth brushing in 2 minutes. If you want to vote on what song we listen to grab your stuff and meet me on the porch ASAP”

These are actual choices. And kids can tell the difference.

Plus, they’ll respect you considerably more for framing it this way even if they don’t know exactly why they think it to be true.

But What About the Fun?

I can hear you thinking: “But doesn’t this make camp feel too… strict?”

Nope.

Because again, the rules were already there.

Whether you asked the kids about going to waterfront or just straight up told them, the end result is the same anyway. The only difference is the framing.

Your energy, your enthusiasm, your silly dance moves while announcing it’s time for lunch - that’s what makes camp fun. Not pretending kids have choices when they don’t.

You can absolutely say “ALRIGHT AWESOME PEOPLE, IT’S TIME FOR THE MOST EPIC JOURNEY TO THE DINING HALL EVER!” Just don’t end it with “…okay?”

A Quick Note for Leadership

By the way, this goes for how we treat our staff too. Instead of “Don’t you think you should check on your campers?” try “Please check on your campers now.”

Clear expectations. Clear communication. Clear wins.

When you start being clear:

Kids and staff trust you more because you’re not playing games

Transitions get easier because expectations are clear

When you do offer choices, kids engage more because they know it’s real

Making it Work at Camp

Start simple. Take these common camp questions and flip them:

Instead of: “Who’s ready for dinner?” Try: “It’s dinner time! Line up at the flagpole.”

Instead of: “Shouldn’t we clean the cabin?” Try: “Time to clean the cabin! I’ll take volunteers for jobs.”

Because at the end of the day, kids don’t need us to pretend.

They need us to be clear + kind.

You got this,

Jack