Camp Behavior Management: Your Non-Machiavellian Guide

Oct 2nd, 2024

Behavior is anything observable someone does. I'm a brat so... I read “Behavior Management,” and I think “Control.”

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I was the kid you picture when you think "We need better behavior management." Probably why I struggle with the term or having a boss.

If you love punishments and lectures this email isn't for you.

In short, this email will outline the three pillars of what will lead to more desirable behavior requiring less management but that you can address when there is conflict!

The Three Pillars:

Connection

Leading Fun

The Three Fs (Facts, Feelings, Futures)

Jack training update

I am going to be doing something like this in...

California & NH - Second week of June

Maine/New England - Third week of June

If you love these emails, I'd love to work with your camp. Here is a recent training plan I put together for a camp.

Reply - "Let's talk about training"

Connection? You mean everything we do at camp?

In short, yes.

In long, the only way to manage anything without meaningful connection is through force.

Force can mean raising your voice, physical punishment, taking things away etc., and it’s not really it at camp.

So how do we connect more?

Staff training is full of scenarios, and we expect our staff to absorb a ton of information. However, we could shorten things considerably by underlining that listening, communication, asking for help, and connection solve most crises.

In camp trainings, I spend outsized amounts of time on active listening, adding unstructured times, and personalizing camp activities, etc.

Include as many opportunities as possible for staff to connect with one another (and for you to connect with them), and you’re golden!

Training on connection is the hardest easy thing (or the easiest hard thing, I haven’t decided) you could do. And it opens up so many more possibilities beyond force.

Fun? You mean everything…else we do at camp?

Exactly!

Really the trick here is teaching how to facilitate fun. Train your staff on how to explain activities and outline the “sandboxes” their campers get to play in.

Teach them how to level up their games and adventures, creating more camper magic.

Fun is also a great way to mitigate conflict. Frankly, it might be the best way.

We all know kids start to push boundaries when they play. I love these kids.

When I say, “stop,” it creates an interruption–great if there’s danger. But I can also say, “Now everyone is a reaaaaally slow slime monster!” and there’s a new element of fun. I’ve reeled it in.

This may sound obvious to those of us who’ve work with kids for *checks watch* forever. However, it’s one of the biggest issues I see with staff who are eager to do their jobs right and think they have to have perfect control of their campers.

The reality is when people are having fun, they value fun more than they value the fight. It’s an additive “yes and” method putting everyone on the same side.

The 3 Fs–Farts, Fractions, and Flatulence?

Nearly! Facts, Feelings, and Futures. Thanks Carolyn Harari

This is an easy conversation template to help you, your staff, and your campers communicate.

When bringing up a conflict or feedback:

Name the facts–the objective truth or observable behavior,

State your feelings–how is this impacting you, and what are you taking away from the facts

Look to the future–what it looks like to you if it’s resolved.

If you want to read more, The 3F Framework maps it out in even more detail

This can look different depending on the scale of the conflict or the parties involved.

For example, you’re supervising gaga, and everyone is being obnoxious, bickering, just generally fighting (we’ve all been there). It’s starting to spiral.

Instead of raising your voice, try taking the ball, sitting in the gaga pit, saying:

“Here are the facts–you'll are wildin out right now and I don’t feel good about it. My job is to keep you safe, and that means in the future we can’t have any of this. Can we agree to that right now or should we take a break?”

Maybe it’s two staff members having a conflict. One can approach the other and start a conversation by saying:

“Here are the facts for me right now, here’s what I’m feeling, here’s what I’d like the future to look like between us.”

If a cabin is really not gelling, the three Fs are great when everyone is going around and sharing what they need from one another to move forward.

A counselor might sit everyone down and say:

“I’ve noticed not everyone is having a good time in the cabin. As a cabin, we should talk about this. Everyone is going to share the facts, their feelings, and futures about the situation. I’ll go first…”

This simple set of touchpoints can be applied to essentially any conversation.

The magic is when the 3Fs become universal vocabulary at your camp and you, your staff, and your campers can recognize it as problem-solving, not something that calls for defensiveness.

Unless you want to be The Prince, in which case you probably don’t like what I have to say very much!

I’m mostly kidding.

Do you use the 3Fs at your camp? Some variation? Something totally different? Email me, I would love to hear about it